What do you feel like gives you worth?
Your job? Your family? Your health? Your body? Your church?
What do you see as the thing that sort of defines you? Gives you reason to be every day?
For many stay at home mom's - myself included - much of what seems to define me - are my children.
And my role as wife.
And keep up with "running a house"
And of course the laundry.
Sunday morning dawned early, and gray and after a LONG hard night. Avery started with a cold on Saturday and although acted like she felt fine all day, I just knew that Saturday night would be hard. It was just a mom feeling. And I was right. Poor thing woke up about 2:30AM very congested and running a fever of 101.3. She felt bad for sure. And then on top of it, I had an upset stomach and had been up before her and was up several times after I got her re-settled.
So Sunday morning was not our usually, eat, get ready for church, where's your Bible kind of morning. It was more like - Daddy got up with the kids and since Mommy felt like she'd been hit by a bus, she went back to bed.
Now, for me this is very unusual. Usually once I'm awake in the morning, that's it. I'm up. I cannot usually go back to sleep. But I did Sunday morning. And not just once, but 2 times! David took care of getting the kids breakfast and juice and keeping the occupied while I sleep until about 9:45. For this I was VERY grateful!
But as it was also a strange feeling for me. Normally I have much to do in the morning, and this morning not only did I not have to do it (David even made the coffee!) I didn't feel well enough to do it.
Now, I like being taken care of, don't get me wrong! And David does a wonderful job of taking care of me, and the kids! But I don't like being taken care of - or having other things that I normally take care of because I cannot do it. I know that may seem weird or stupid... but it is what it is.
I didn't like it at all. I didn't like feeling bad and then David had to do everything for the kids (which if you have or have ever had or even been around small kids, you know is a bunch!)! I honestly felt bad about that. I don't think I should have, cause I really wasn't feeling well, but I did feel bad about it. And I've been doing some thinking as to why?
I think some of it was just emotions/hormones/ lack of sleep weirdness feeling on my part. But then I think some of it was just that I'm so used to doing stuff all the time, that I start to see my self, and my worth, by what I do. You know, like - I make sure my kids have drinks and snacks and clean cloths and that makes me who I am.
Although I'm in a phase in my life where those are my main responsibilities. Those things - being a mom - doesn't make me who I am.
I'm still me - Holly. My identity is who I am through the saving grace of my Lord!And I'm still a person. And guess what? People get sick. And I didn't feel good and so I didn't feel like me. I didn't feel like a mom either. I just felt yucky. But I was still a child of the King. Still loved, still important, just feeling yucky while being loved.
And the good news - I am (and you are) loved the same by Christ no matter how you feel physically/mentally or whatever. He loves us the same. Everyday. All the time! For that I'm thankful!
I'm also thankful for a husband who is willing to skip church, take care of the kids, let me sleep, feed the kids, play with the kids, and watch over me - all when I don't feel well!
And today I feel lots better and back to my old self! I'm thankful for that too!
Now, if we could get Avery well, all would be good again!