Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Just bein' honest

Having smaller children (cause mine aren’t small, small anymore – but still small enough!) isn’t an easy job. I know this isn’t news to anyone who’s ever had children, but I thought it was worth restating before I continued on.

The reason I say that – and I’m just gonna be gut level honest here – is because yesterday I did miserably as a mom. And honestly, I don’t think I was even a nice person yesterday, but I know I did badly as a mom for sure!

Very badly.

I have lots of excuses as to why I didn’t do my job as I should… Avery was up in the night, several times (which she hasn’t done in months!!!), Luke started the day with a yucky whinny attitude, and it was cold and rainy out – AGAIN! I guess I too started the day on the wrong side of the bed.

But none of those are good excuses! My kids don’t know that it’s hard for me to be kind and loving and patient when I don’t get enough sleep. They don’t know - nor do they care – that after several weeks of eating right, and massive amounts of exercise that continuing on the path to thin-ness isn’t what I wanted to do (and it’s exactly that attitude that got me in the position to need to lose weight to begin with!)! They don’t know that after a couple of days of cold and rain their mom wants to do nothing but snuggle up in a warm blanket with a good book and read all day – which with two younger children just doesn’t happen! And none of those things are their fault or even reason for me to not be patient and kind to them.

Again, none of those are good excuses for the way I acted toward my beloved children yesterday. I yelled when I should have spoken with kindness and understanding. I acted out of frustration in not being able to get “important” things done around the house when I should have sat down and read a book to them. I let my humanness parent instead of letting my Heavenly Father parent through me.

Yes, Reagan that's how Aunt Holly felt too!

All of this came to me while sitting in a dark room waiting for Avery to calm down – again – when the Holy Spirit urged me to pray… out loud for both Avery and myself. It was a humbling time for me for sure. I parented badly and it took until almost 8 PM to realize I was doing it. That made it even worse!

But then Avery did calm down, and we had some wonderful moments with the Lord and with each other, and I was again reminded of God’s unending love, His new mercies, and His patients with me. I asked for forgiveness and He wiped the slate clean in order for me to start new today. Isn’t He amazing?!?!

So today I’ll be doing better – but not on my own – with His strength and love for me and for my children. I’m so thankful that God forgives me and loves me enough to shower me with grace and mercy!

Hebrews 4:16
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”


Nan said...

I feel your pain Holly. You are a wonderful mom, the best mom for Luke and Avery! You are a better parent because of the Lord. You children won't hold this day against you, and you were able to use it as a teachable moment...they will learn from your heart! Love you!

Holly said...

Thanks Nan!!! Love you too girl!!

Jessi said...

I know this post was a little while ago...I'm just doing some catching up this morning! But I could totally identify with your post, and let me just say, those days definitely happen to all of us. Thankfully God's grace and mercies are new and fresh every morning, right?!?!